Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I have fence marks all over my body
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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