Swine flu. Run for my life!
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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