how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
