Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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