is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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