bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
