Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
