I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The adults are the big ones right?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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