Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize