just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize