I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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