Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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