I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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