No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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