I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
