I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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