Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
