made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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