I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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