You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
