I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
