i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
