we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
