she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
