Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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