I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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