Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
