Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
