its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Everclear isn't food dammit
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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