so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
