my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
