You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
