I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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