i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He better not be in your backpack
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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