I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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