Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
