Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
