We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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