hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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