Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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