Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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