you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
