you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
