I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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