I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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