Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i now understand why vodka
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize