I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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