I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
