I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
