so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
