I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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