Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
