And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
