Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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