these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
