Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
