The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
