I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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