i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
