Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
