haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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