you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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