shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
