How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
