trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i love accidental penises.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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