i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
