I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
