Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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