I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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