this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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