Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
