My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
