Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
