gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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