I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He called his prostate his "boner button".
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
