A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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