Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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