dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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