She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
