Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
