just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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