I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
we're so committed to being not committed
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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