I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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