4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Randomize
