How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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