They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
false alarm, still single
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
