see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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