threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
