So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Randomize
