She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
