Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
