Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
