i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize