My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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