Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
