i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
