I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
