Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize