I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
