you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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