i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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