and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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