I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
