I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
