My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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